\nMy supervisor left our unit and there was no clear successor. Her supervisor, Adam, decided that her job would be temporarily taken over by my colleague Jane and I as co-managers. Everything went well for some time. Jane had better knowledge of our work, while I had managerial experience and we had a good collaborative relationship. Eventually, Adam told me he wanted me to take an official manager title. At the time, I questioned her about the decision because I was still learning the job and Jane seemed like a better choice. He said that Jane did not want to be a manager and that I was more suitable for the role. We will still act as co-managers reporting to them; I’ll just get the official title.<\/p>\n
The job was posted, I interviewed and got the degree. When Jane found out, it was like a switch was flipped. She moved to a desk away from me, changed her WFH days to avoid me, and barely talked to me. Adam told me that he confronted her and said that even though she didn’t want the job, he thought she should be forced to take it as the more experienced employee, because that’s the way it is done in her native country. She complained that she was a “co-manager” but had no supervisory duties. When the offer was made to her, she agreed to approve timekeeping for only half the staff. Adam made him do some other tasks. He arranged a weekly meeting for the three of us because she would not cooperate without him as a mediator and she would not perform her managerial tasks without his prompting.<\/p>\n
It’s been a few years and I’ve mostly recovered from this situation – Jen does her thing, I do mine, and everything works as it should. Recently he has also started behaving well with me to some extent. Then two weeks ago, Adam died unexpectedly. Despite his shortcomings in this co-manager position, he was a great boss. We are devastated and horrified because he did a lot of things that no one knew how to do. After this, Jane started blaming me for everything, including the work she oversees. She allowed me to approve her timesheets and leave requests because she knew I was Adam’s backup in our timekeeping system.<\/p>\n
Jane and I make the same salary, and she never reports to me. I’m digressing, but it sounds like she’s trying to give up her co-manager status now that Adam isn’t here to make her manager. I’m stressed trying to figure out how to function without Adam. She won’t talk to me and I’m not her supervisor, so I have no real power over her. Adam reported directly to the CEO, to whom I have no connection. I don’t know if HR can help. What can I do?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Adam really messed it up! While it’s strange that Jen thought she should be forced to take a manager job even though she didn’t want to, it’s an even bigger problem that Adam expected her to handle management-level work without a title, and Jen was justified in pushing back at that. Now he is justified in refusing to do those things. (It makes it a little better that she’s earning the same amount as you, but it’s still a pretty lame arrangement!)<\/p>\n
Since Adam is no longer there to sort it out, you need to talk to his boss, the CEO. You’ll need to do this anyway, even if you don’t have the co-manager to figure it out, because the CEO will now have to step down as your manager or designate someone else to fill that role. When your immediate boss dies (or just leaves), you’re not expected to just trudge through work without talking to anyone above you; It’s very normal for you to talk to the CEO about how things should be handled now, and the Jane situation may be part of that.<\/p>\n
3. Did my boss question my ability to understand reality?<\/strong><\/p>\n\nI am unsure to what extent a statement made by my boss in a recent performance review is inappropriate. In addition to the lengthy reprimand, he wrote in my performance review that “I want you to stop and separate what happened from the story your brain is telling about it.” He said that my sensitivity makes me worry deeply, but it can also mean that I become overly anxious about situations, and that is exhausting to others.<\/p>\n
I feel this comment is inappropriate as it hints at mental health issues and lays the foundation for me to question my sanity and competency. Can you please tell me if this comment is inappropriate and if so, exactly how?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
I don’t think this is inherently unfair. He’s not hinting at mental health issues or questioning your sanity. He’s saying that you have a tendency to turn things into something even more frustrating or upsetting than the situation actually calls for, and this is taking a lot away from the people around you, and he’s asking you to work on reducing that.<\/p>\n
That’s a pretty serious response – especially combined with the “long scolding” – and I’d really try to think about what he’s saying and what impact handling those situations might have had on him differently.<\/p>\n
4. Can a business hire only women?<\/strong><\/p>\n\nI recently listened to a podcast that mentioned a rehab center that had only women on staff and only women as patients. While I think this is amazing, and certainly shows the trauma experienced by patients, I was wondering how this works, since companies can’t discriminate based on gender.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Laws prohibiting discrimination on the basis of protected classes (such as sex, age, etc.) include an exception for what is called “bona fide occupational qualification”; Employers can make a job single-sex only if it is truly essential to the job. The law allows this exception in three circumstances: privacy (for example, you might give preference to women when hiring female locker room attendants), “authenticity in the arts” (such as in casting for films), and when the qualification is “related to the normal operations or essence of the business” (such as a mandatory retirement age for pilots for safety reasons or a requirement for priests to be Catholic).<\/p>\n
I don’t know enough about this particular rehab center to know whether it would qualify for one of the legal exceptions, but I can imagine situations where it might.<\/p>\n
5. Planning a Vacation While Looking for a Job<\/strong><\/p>\n\nMy anniversary is coming up this summer and I’m looking for a job. We are planning a week long trip to celebrate. Should I just go ahead and book dates that work for us right now? Or, should I wait? I don’t know how close I am to landing my next job. I would hate to miss an opportunity because of our celebration – but if we don’t book, we won’t go.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Go ahead and book it. If you get the job offer before that, you can mention that you have a trip booked for (dates) and ask if they can accommodate it, even if it means taking unpaid time off. If they say they can’t, you can decide at that point whether you would like to proceed with the job at the expense of travel (and whatever non-refundable deposit you may have paid), but this is a very common request when negotiating a job offer and most of the time employers can accommodate it. There are some exceptions to this – like if for some reason it’s a really important week for the job – but most of the time they can make it work.<\/p>\n
Connected:<\/strong><\/em>
Everything You Need to Know About Vacation Time When You Start a New Job
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