joe reader’s cup Tiffany Wager-Wong I always wanted to have two marriages. “I’m Malaysian Chinese American and grew up in Queens, New York with my mother,” she told us. “My dad and extended family are in Malaysia. I always loved going back there, because I have lots of aunts, uncles and cousins – my mom has nine siblings!” Tiffany knew that it would not be possible for many of her relatives to make the 10,000-mile journey from Kuala Lumpur to New York. But it was important to her and her now-husband Ben that both of their families be a part of their wedding. the only solution? There are two.
You may remember Tiffany from her post-proposal donut photo. Now, she leads us Both Of her beautiful wedding day…
“Ben and I met on a dating app at the height of the pandemic. I was living with my mom in Queens, and he was in the Bronx, and we went on 10 Zoom dates over the course of two months. He wore a suit for the first time, which I thought was ridiculous. After getting vaccinated, we finally met in person, and two years later, we got engaged.”
“We had our first wedding in 2024 at a restaurant in Brooklyn rule of thirds. My father came from Malaysia. Ben is Jewish, so we wanted to incorporate the traditions that his family enjoys. Ben broke the glass, and we had a beautiful challah that his dad cut up after the ceremony. We also signed the ketubah, a Jewish marriage contract that we drafted together. We now have it hanging above our bed.
“Hosting a tea ceremony to honor your elders is a big Chinese wedding tradition. There’s a very specific order to it, and it can take a while. We just didn’t realize it How long, so it became very quiet, and at one point, Ben’s little nephew burst out, ‘When is this going to end?’ Which was really fun.”
“After the tea ceremony, the bride and groom have to give red envelopes with money to their younger siblings—which none of us have. So, Ben gave an envelope to his niece and nephew, and I gave an envelope to my little cousin, who is like a sister to me.”
“We found this simple arch on Facebook Marketplace, then we decorated it ourselves. We hung Ben’s grandfather’s tallit (prayer shawl) on it, since Ben’s grandparents are no longer alive. It felt really meaningful to have them there with us like this.”
“There’s a famous Chinese cover of The Cranberries song, DreamsBy Faye Wong. I like both versions, but this is the one I grew up with. When Ben and I first started dating, we made each other’s playlists and he put that cover on her! We chose this as our recessional song. As soon as we kissed, the DJ played it right – it felt like fireworks.’
“I think the hora was my favorite part. It was very exciting. Both of our mums were screaming, but they had so much fun – everyone did.”
part Two
A year later, Ben and Tiffany head to Kuala Lumpur for wedding number two…
“In Malaysia, before doing anything else, my mom and I had to go to a Buddhist temple and talk to a priest so he could tell us the auspicious dates for the event. We told him our names, our birthdays, and the time of our birth, and he gave us the date of June 14. My whole family stepped up to help – one of my aunts hosted us at their home and had a welcome dinner, and another aunt dressed me in my dress and gave Ben his wedding clothes. When I think about all the things he did for us, it makes me cry.”
“Ben and I wore traditional wedding clothes for the first part of the day – a Ma Kua for him and a well For me. They are a little complicated to wear, but they are very beautiful and intricate. The whole idea is that ‘the more, the more.’ You want to increase it – gold Everything”
“There’s a tradition called ‘gatecrashing’, where the groom and his groomsmen (and the groom’s lady in our case) come to pick up the bride, and the bridesmaids make them go through a series of challenging games to ‘win’ it. Like eating wasabi-filled rice balls or doing Chinese calligraphy. And if they don’t complete a task, they have to make the bridesmaids pay (literally!).”
“You have to be somewhat obnoxious about it. I told my American friends, ‘Just follow my cousins. You’ll see – they will demand Wealth.’ This is a real performance. The groomsmen will say, ‘Oh, we’re out of cash!’ And the bridesmaids are like, ‘No problem, we’ll take Venmo!’ We take USD! Pay up!'”
“One of the tasks was this really complicated yoga pose. Keep in mind, it was 95 degrees outside. I was upstairs in an air-conditioned bedroom, looking at FaceTime.”
“Finally, the groom comes through the closed door to profess his love to the bride. I thought Ben was just going to say the English version of the standard Chinese script, but he surprised me by writing his own private speech, and had one of my relatives help me translate it into the dialect that my family speaks, called Hakka. I was surprised, and very touched, because it’s not an easy language to learn. Everyone was cheering, and I was about to cry. Felt.”
“After the gate accident, we prayed at the temple at my aunt’s house, and then had the tea ceremony. Brooklyn seemed long at the time, but it was actually quite small by comparison. We served tea to all my aunts, uncles, and older cousins, and gave red envelopes to all the little ones.”
“The final part of the ceremony is for the bride to leave her childhood home to join her husband. For the sake of tradition we did the farewell part. My mom put me in the car and started crying as if I was actually leaving — even though in reality, my cousin was driving us around the block. I said, ‘Mom, I’ll see you in five minutes!’
“The second part of the day is the wedding banquet. We ate it at a beautiful local restaurant. Chinese weddings are all about the food. You don’t really have dancing and toasts like in America. It’s a big, eight-course meal, and you just want everyone to enjoy it.”
“it is About All my cousins. Believe it or not, I have a lot more!”
“Couples don’t usually make big speeches, but I wanted to take the opportunity to tell my family how much this means to me. Being a third-culture kid, I’ve always felt a little left out. My mom and I are the only people in my family who don’t live in Malaysia, and so not only did they embrace my husband with open arms, but to be so involved — so excited for us to do this — gave me a sense of belonging. I can’t wait until Ben And I don’t come back with my kids and give that to them.”
Thank you so much, Tiffany and Ben. we wish you so Very happy.
PS More wedding stories, including the City Hall wedding with sneakers and hilarious wedding-day bloopers.
(Brooklyn Wedding Photos Carissa Joy. malaysia wedding photos moments by jeremy.)
