We often hear about inner peace, but it can be much more than a fleeting moment of peace after yoga or an exquisite massage. Inner peace is actually our ability to let go of attachments and reactions to life’s events, resulting in ease and clarity.
As a mindfulness skill, inner peace is the ability to let go of attachment and reactivity based on an understanding of impermanence – the changing nature of our thoughts, feelings and desires. When we find ourselves rushing and reacting, we can remind ourselves, this too shall pass. The purpose is not to deny what we are feeling but to put the brakes on quick emotions. Once we return to our inner peace, we can see the source of our reactivity, taking a closer look at its changing nature: this is what sets us free.
Once we return to our inner peace, we can see the source of our reactivity, taking a closer look at its changing nature: this is what sets us free.
As a practice, inner peace is the art of stopping, observing, and letting go for the purposes of healing and clarity. This includes physical restraint and mental peace. It can be seen as the ultimate balm for your soul – like a cool breeze on a hot day. Inner peace brings ease to body and mind alike. In the body, there is a feeling of relaxation in the muscles and an overall feeling of ease. In the mind, inner peace creates space to hold everything without attachment and resistance. Conversely, the absence of inner peace may show up as restlessness in the body and agitation or reactivity in the mind.
The pursuit of inner peace can often leave us wanting more, but it is ironic that true inner peace is achieved when we give up our desires, even the desire for inner peace – a Catch-22 if ever there was one. This paradox becomes clear when we consider the case of a client struggling with anxiety who turned to meditation to calm her mind. Surprisingly, after meditation he found himself even more anxious. She hoped meditation would improve her sleep, but was disappointed when she noticed her restlessness during the body scan meditation made her sleep problems worse.
The moral here? To find peace, he must first give up his expectations of finding peace. To let go, she learned to see three obstacles to achieving her mindfulness: running in circles (a restless mind), pulling (trying to sleep), and pushing (being frustrated by her restlessness). With practice, he learned to accept his restless mind, which reduced effort and frustration, and he was able to find ease even when he couldn’t sleep, which eventually allowed him to sleep.
However, letting go of attachment to certain outcomes does not mean that we are suppressing or avoiding challenging situations. Instead, this release occurs naturally when we understand that emotions arise and dissolve – all within ninety seconds.
ninetieth rule
Inner peace is not about suppressing, denying or avoiding our emotions. When we don’t give in to the urge to react, we are developing the ability to stay with the unpleasantness (knowing that emotions are physical reactions in the body that will arise and fade away). Just as happiness generated by external events is not permanent, similarly negative emotions are also not permanent. Have you heard of the ninetieth rule? Neuroscientist Jill Bolt Taylor has revealed in her book My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey That all emotions have a beginning, middle, and end – all within ninety seconds of when they first arise.
The reason we continue to experience negative emotions, sometimes for days, weeks, and even years, is because we keep fueling these emotions with our stories. Instead, if we stop and allow the feelings to spread through our bodies, we will create space in our minds to better understand what they are trying to tell us. Instead of using positive thinking to suppress or sidestep our experience, we can create alliances with our emotions. By doing this, we may uncover how they are trying to protect us, satisfy our unmet needs, or draw our attention to new information in the environment.
The ninety-second rule is a helpful reminder to ride the waves of our emotions, but emotions can sometimes be so powerful that they hijack our rational thought processes. In these situations it is helpful to remember where those feelings come from – in the deep past, when we were hunters and faced real tigers!
How inner peace supports resilience
Much of our lives are marked by perceived threats to our identity, career or relationships. Our primal responses – fight-flight-freeze – can be unhelpful when it comes to dealing with these everyday psychological and social stressors. Solving common problems in the modern world requires clarity and creativity, but our response is the opposite – fight, flight or freeze. This evolutionary response to any threat is automatic and unconscious.
Solving common problems in the modern world requires clarity and creativity, but our response is the opposite – fight, flight or freeze.
When our emotions become overstimulated in such a way that we can’t think or see clearly, it’s called an “amygdala hijack” – a term popularized by emotional intelligence expert Daniel Goleman. The amygdala is the emotional center of the brain. One of its functions is to scan the environment for threats and prepare the body for emergency response. When it senses a threat, such as a tiger hiding in the bushes, it sends an immediate signal to release stress hormones – adrenaline and cortisol – which accelerates the emergency response. Blood stops flowing to the organs and instead flows into the organs, preparing us for fight or flight. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for thinking and executive decision making) shuts down because there is no time to think and analyze when we are faced with a situation that the brain perceives as life threatening.
It is said that during amygdala hijacking our IQ temporarily drops by ten to fifteen points. Perhaps this explains the feeling you get after reacting to a verbal trigger: What was I thinking when I said that? That is pretty much it. We stop thinking rationally. It also compromises memory, which is why we can’t remember a single good thing about the person we have a fight with or why we can’t find our keys in the middle of a panic attack. Living in a constant state of fight or flight from modern threats also compromises the integrity of other systems such as immunity and digestion.
Developing inner peace is an important step in avoiding amygdala hijacking so that we can think clearly even in extremely stressful situations. Using practices to promote inner peace – such as breath awareness – helps slow down our rising emotions and allow the parasympathetic nervous system to activate back up so we can think clearly once again. Another activity that prompts the prefrontal cortex to start thinking again is “noting” or “labeling”. The act of noting or labeling our emotions allows the prefrontal cortex to have healthy communication with the amygdala and avoid hijacking. Inner peace provides opportunities to learn and improve or to gain a deeper understanding of the “what” and “why” behind our actions. We can replace tension and misunderstanding with harmony and understanding. Inner peace is important for resilience in relationships and life in general.
Where are you on the inner calm continuum?
You can strengthen your capacity for inner peace regardless of your circumstances. First, pay attention to when you are calm and when you are not. Next, pay attention to the causes and situations that promote calmness and those that prevent you from being calm. By developing the habit of calming the mind and body, you will develop the ability to access this place more quickly and easily.
Daily Practice: One Minute Rest
Relax, we care about the right things again and
Right people in the right way.
-David White
Take time, several times a day, if possible, to empty your cup and make room for what’s important. You can do this very quickly by examining your body.
- Any tension or stiffness in the body is a sign That you are holding onto something that needs your loving attention. You can’t leave without knowing what you’re trying to leave. Simply focusing your attention on those spots can help you uncover the feelings and thoughts associated with that stress.
- Once you understand the cause of your stressYou can find a solution. As you empty your cup, it’s also clarifying alignment with your intentions—what are you freeing up space for?
- return. rest for a minute And come back to your body. Rub the palms of your hands and place them on your eyes, giving them relief. Move your hands to your jaw line, neck, shoulders, chest, or wherever feels good on your body.
- Hear. Listen within. What can you give up right now to make room for what’s important?
- Start. Start your activities with a relaxed body and mind Aligned with what matters.
Try practicing and playing this reminder with your family, team members, and your community before starting a meeting or activity together.
quoted from the book Return to Mindfulness: Disrupting Default Habits for Personal Fulfillment, Effective Leadership, and Global Impact By Shalini Bahl Milne. Copyright © 2024 Shalini Behl Milne. Reprinted with permission of the author. Return to Mindfulness will be available on Amazon on January 18, 2024.
