A reader writes:
I have a new direct report. He’s generally very nice and always supports and cheers for his team, which is great.
He is always encouraging and supportive of people more senior than him, including me, which is becoming less good. I hear a lot, “Great location!” When I point out a mistake. Or, “That’s a really good idea, (my name)” or “‘That’s a good suggestion, thanks,” in an encouraging tone, or “That’s a really good point” when in fact it’s not a particularly good point and I just said that
Yes, I made a good suggestion! As a manager it’s my job to make good suggestions! I actually expressed this as an instruction!
It’s not something I’d object to if it happened occasionally, but it’s so consistent and feels patronizing. Sometimes I just want “Okay, I’ll do” and don’t need to be reassured every time that I have their full approval for my improvements. They also have a tendency to explain things I already know very well.
He does this with almost everyone, but I’m not sure other senior people interact with him often enough to register it the same way. I feel like I should say something, but I don’t know how to start – “We’re all human, praise is nice, but maybe not that much”?
For what it’s worth, we’re the same age, although he’s been at the company longer, and I’m female but he does this with men too.
I Inc. today. I’m answering this question here, where I’m revisiting papers that are buried in the archives here from years ago (and occasionally updating/expanding their answers). You You can read it here.
