These are five answers to five questions. Here it is…
1. My coworker heard me complaining about them
I have a brand-new coworker, Jaime, who I feel isn’t really pulling his weight. I was talking to someone else in the office about a project we were working on and I thought Jaime would lead the project, but they were putting all the work on other people while it was the project that Jaime was hired for. I know my tone during the conversation was very negative about Jaime.
Well, I didn’t realize that Jaime was in the office that day and I’m pretty sure he overheard the conversation. Later that day I met Jaime and he looked at me sadly but didn’t say anything to me.
I’m insulted and feel like a jerk for talking about someone like this behind their back. Obviously, I will be careful not to talk about such people in the future, especially when I am disappointed. Should I say something to Jaime beforehand or wait to see if he brings it up? I want to apologize for the way I spoke about him, but I also don’t want to make the situation worse.
You need to apologize to Jaime and take responsibility for what he heard. Sample script: “I realize you may have heard me talking about myself the other day, and I want to apologize. To be honest, I’m disappointed that you’re asking other people to do Did. I won’t do that again.” (In this script, Jane is Jaime’s manager.)
It’s acknowledging that you have legitimate concerns rather than pretending you don’t have concerns and being clear about the parts you made wrong. Of course, it’s possible that Jaime didn’t hear anything and now you may have introduced awkwardness where nothing needed to happen – but it’s more likely that he overheard, and taking responsibility for that is the right thing to do.
Also read:
My coworker overheard me talking nonsense
2. Is the problem because of my work friend or is it really all because of his managers?
I work for a large distribution company with national offices and several warehouses. A work friend of mine, Linda, did such a good job in the warehouse that she applied for and was promoted to an office job about 10 years ago. She has been in three different but related fields and has had bad luck with supervisors each time. According to Linda, they are all guilty of favoritism to her teams, never praised her, and gave her unrealistic workloads and problematic clients all because they knew she was good at dealing with problems. Whenever she recounts her clashes with these supervisors, the interactions are poor and the supervisors’ attitude toward her is condescending, rude, and threatening.
The thing is, I know all of these supervisors and have had to work with them many times over the years, and they have been nothing but friendly and professional to me! (I’m a few levels above her on the org chart but I’m not a manager.) I can see that her current boss might be kind of a snob to people at my level, but I’ve never seen him be downright nasty to anyone in the way Linda describes.
I’ve been here for over 20 years and have seen a lot of people come and go. The atmosphere here is friendly and quite relaxed, and jitters are usually not tolerated for long. Is there something that Linda is doing/not doing that has made her a target for these people? Or is she perhaps confused about the right of her bosses to tell her what to do when harassed?
It’s certainly possible for supervisors to mistreat their teams while acting completely differently from the people above them. It’s less likely – though not impossible – that Linda has exactly the same luck with supervisors on three different teams, especially if you know this is a company that generally doesn’t tolerate jerks (and if she’s found all three managers “threatening”, that’s a big deal). I have to say, I’m skeptical – but who knows, I could be wrong.
Does she ever share details that might give you more information? The fact that you’re wondering if he might have a problem with authority makes me think he shares enough to at least point you in that direction.
All that said, unless you have to work with her directly, you can just enjoy her as a friend and not have to solve this mystery.
3. Can we use first names in letters?
I work in communications for a small nonprofit. Recently, an issue came up for an (admittedly older) board member and I was hoping to get your input on it.
I often find myself writing letters to donors, potential donors, clients, and people who ask questions. The tone of the letters is friendly and in most cases we do not know the recipient personally, but we have their name. If I don’t know anything about the person (besides their interest in our organization), I like to start with “Dear First Name,” but one board member constantly insists that it should be “Dear Mr./Ms./Miss/Mrs. Last Name.”
I find this not only old fashioned, but also potentially problematic because we don’t know how the person identifies. We know his name only from his interrogation. And even if we grudgingly assume that they are cisgender, we don’t necessarily know their gender. I know women named Frank and Mitch, boys called Dana and Ashley, not to mention gender-neutral names like Chris and Pat. And, of course, there are non-English names, too.
To me, not assuming gender feels kinder and safer, but our board member feels that using first names crosses an “inappropriate line of informality.” Neither our organization nor our mission is very formal, if that makes a difference. what do you say? Is it acceptable to use first names in this day and age?
A lot of organizations have started using first names in letters as you describe, but at least many still haven’t. So you’re not wrong that using first names is increasingly considered cool, but your board members aren’t wrong that their practice is still very much in use (and if a lot of your donors/potential donors are older, they may prefer your board member’s approach).
So the question is how much capital do you want to spend on this, and there are probably better places to spend it. That said, I’m interested to know how your board members think you should handle names like Chris, Pat, and Dana – because the risk of upsetting people by giving them the wrong gender is at least as serious as the risk of appearing too unoriginal (and possibly more so).
Connected:
When is it okay to address someone I don’t know well by their first name in an email?
4. Can I ask if a company is hiring my co-worker before I accept the job?
A co-worker and I are both currently in the running for two different jobs on the same team at another company. However, after working with this coworker for years, I have decided that I can’t do this anymore. (Please be assured that I have not come to this decision lightly and will stand firm on it.) Is there any possible way to intelligently sort out the constraints of an offer so that if presented with an offer I can make my choice accordingly?
And I know, I’m working on a lot of assumptions here, but I want to be prepared just in case.
It would also be difficult for me to pause my particular hiring process in hopes of confirming the status of my co-worker’s offer before doing anything.)
Not necessary. If your coworker has told you she’s applying there, you can ask if she’s heard anything; If she tells you she’s off to the races, you can safely proceed. But you can’t ask other employers how likely they are to hire him. If this is a complete deal-breaker for you and you need them to respond before you can find out what’s going on with them, then you’re probably stuck turning down their offer.
The exception to this would be if you are managing the position they offer; This opens up the ability to ask where things are before you accept them.
5. Is this a discount from the salaried hourly rate?
I got a new job offer at a different company. When I told him about it at my old job, he tried to protest but I said no. So I took a new job and gave notice generously. My old company has asked me if I would remain with the company as a W-2 employee, but instead of salaried I would submit hourly timesheets to perform as many of my roles as I am willing to do remotely, ideally until they find the right person to fill the role. My new job will require working a few hours a day after work, on whatever schedule I want. The hourly pay rate they offer is the same as my pay rate, but I will not get my full-time benefits like retirement matching, health care, etc.
Am I right in thinking that this offer is essentially asking me to continue doing the same work for them, but for cheaper? If they want me to do this in my free time after working at my new job, shouldn’t they offer more money to compensate for the loss in profit? My old manager is supportive and wants me to stay on as a remote part-timer, but only if it’s beneficial to me. She mentioned that hypothetically I could increase the hours on my timesheet a bit to make it worth my time and she would sign them. Obviously this is dishonest, but I don’t know how big of a deal it is, and I would enjoy having some extra income. What do you think?
Yes, they are asking you to continue doing the same work for them but for cheaper. Your compensation used to be your salary and the vacation, insurance, retirement and other benefits you receive. They are removing everything except money.
They’re also asking you to cut deeply into your vacation hours to do this – so not only should you be earning more because of the missing benefits, but you ideally should also be earning more because of the inconvenience it’s causing you (and because it seems like you have a lot of leverage here because they really want you to do it, while they have very little because you’re willing to walk away).
Frankly, I suggest not doing this at all, even if they offer more money, because starting a new job is tiring and you want to be able to focus completely on it, rather than coming home and having to work more hours at your old job. But if you really want to do this, quote them a rate that will make it worth it for you (and it should). No Rely on timesheet manipulation suggested by your manager).
Connected:
My boss wants me to work on contract after moving to a new job
