Psychologist and NY Times Bestseller
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31 March 2026
When your mind is focused on solving problems or wandering around, your attention keeps shifting from one thing to another. For example, let’s say you see a cookie. The cookie image is now “part” of your consciousness.
Next, there is a desire to have the cookie – “I want a cookie!” – which is now the second part of consciousness. Then the thought comes, “Oh no, cookies have gluten and calories, not for you,” and the third part is now in mind. But then the other part speaks: “You worked hard, you deserve that cookie, it’s okay…”
the structure of our suffering
Parts interact with other parts, often in conflict with each other. this is structure At the heart of most of our suffering: some parts of the mind are in conflict with other parts. On the other hand, as the sense of wholeness increases, this inner division and conflict diminishes, and suffering also diminishes.
In this normal way of experiencing ourselves (parts and more parts), it is very easy to push away the parts that feel unsafe, shameful, “bad” or painful. It is as if the mind is a big house with many rooms, and some of them are closed due to fear of what is inside. As understandable as this is, it leads to problems.
We numb ourselves to keep the doors closed. But the more oppression, the less vitality and passion. The more parts we exile, the less we know ourselves. The more we hide, the more we fear being exposed.
Personally, by the time I got to college, it felt like most of the rooms in my mind were empty. Over the years, I have had to work on accepting All My. By which meditation practice the teacher tara brach Call fundamental acceptance– including accepting yourself-You can reclaim every space in your mind by acting appropriately. In fact, it is only by opening these rooms that you can best manage everything that is in them.
How to start accepting all the different parts of yourself?
Acceptance means recognizing something as a fact, whether you like it or not, with a feeling of softness and surrender to this reality. Here’s an exercise in accepting yourself that can help you feel more whole:
1.
Explore accepting different things
Choose something pleasant and find a feeling of acceptance in it. Do the same with something that is neutral to you and accept it. Then choose some mildly unpleasant, perhaps annoying, noise, and help yourself accept it.
2.
Know what acceptance feels like
Your body may relax and breathing may become easier. There may be thoughts like “It’s the way it is. I don’t like it, but I can accept it.” Be aware of the difference between a feeling of acceptance, which is usually calm and peaceful, versus a feeling of helplessness or defeat, which often comes with feelings of frustration, disappointment, fatigue, and depressed mood.
3.
Explore accepting different parts of yourself
Choose a positive characteristic about yourself and find out what it feels like to accept it. Next, choose a neutral characteristic such as the fact that you are breathing, and acknowledge it. Then choose something that you feel is a little negative about yourself and try to accept it. Try it with several things about yourself. Gradually increase the level of challenge and build the “muscle” of self-acceptance.
4.
let things unfold
For a few minutes, let things come into awareness, and explore what it feels like to accept them, such as: “Ah, I have lower back pain, I accept that… loving feelings for a friend, accept these… feelings of resentment about someone mistreating me, accept those too.”
5.
Think about things you like about yourself
Look for the sweet, admirable, sentimental, gentle, good things within yourself and take time to accept them. You can imagine thanking them and incorporating them into who you are.
6.
Then, the things you don’t like about yourself
Pick something you’re embarrassed about or regret, and try to accept it. Start with something small, establish self-compassion, and remember that we all have things that are difficult to face. Stop denying or hiding, knowing that you can take responsibility and act wisely.
7.
allow yourself to be soft
When you accept yourself, there can be a feeling of liberation and ease. Let your inner walls soften. It’s all right. Let everything flow the way it is. Release any tension in your body, become aware of your breathing and relax as a whole, completely.
Excerpted from Neuroderma Copyright © 2020 by Rick Hanson. Used by permission of Harmony Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
