How can I get to know coworkers better when we’re far away?

This is Thursday’s “Ask the Readers” question. A reader writes:

I have been with my current employer for 20 years. We are far from fully engaged in 2020, although we hold in-person meetings about once a quarter. And I travel frequently for business, so I often spend time with colleagues this way too. I have very close friends in my current role, but that’s a reflection of my long-term tenure and the old days of lunch in the cafeteria and conversations by the photocopier.

I’m starting a senior manager level position at a new company next month and I’m looking for advice on how to develop relationships with coworkers. I will lead high profile cross-functional projects and need to have strong relationships with different teams (marketing, sales, product, etc.). And on top of that, I know I’ll be more successful if I have coworkers I can call work friends, and I know I’ll enjoy my work environment if I have friendly relationships with my coworkers. I’m not looking for friends to hang out with outside of work or a new bestie, I’m just looking for coworkers with whom I can interact socially occasionally here and there during the work week.

I don’t know if that’s a realistic expectation in this WFH world. I know there are many people who prefer not to be social at work and that’s totally okay – I wouldn’t want to intrude. I just want to say, “Hey Susie, how are the kids?” or “Hey Susie, how was your last marathon?” The idea of ​​not having friendly conversations sometimes feels very isolating.

In my current role, I have found that new joiners struggle because they feel very isolated due to not knowing anyone well and feeling like they are an outsider because there are other people at our work who know each other very well. I’m worried the same thing will happen to me.

Any advice on how to fit this in (or reality check that I’m expecting too much)?

You’re not expecting too much. Many of us want to have warm, friendly relationships with coworkers and be able to talk about issues other than work. Readers, what is your advice?