A reader writes:
I work in a museum of…let’s say ancient Scandinavian teapots (made to keep me anonymous). The museum was established about 20 years ago by a married couple who are prominent collectors. Over the past few years, the couple have decided to make our museum their lasting legacy. He has established a generous endowment and stepped aside so that a fiduciary board can take the reins. Our staff has doubled and now includes experienced professionals with nonprofit and museum experience. Amazing, isn’t it?
The founders’ 30-year-old right-hand man, Fergus, is no less surprising. Fergus is a world-class expert on Scandinavian teapots. The founders trusted him completely with their prized (and very valuable) collections. So, when the museum opened, it made sense for Fergus to become the collections manager. As time progressed and executive directors came and went, Fergus became the de facto museum director and is still in the C-suite.
He is a very nice man who has what I can only describe as a pathological fear of making decisions. This person could not arrange a group lunch order. He may be so afraid that someone might be unhappy with the restaurant choice or that he might not know the full menu of each of our restaurants It is possible If he wanted to choose, he would waffle and wring his hands until five minutes before lunch. Then he’d say, “Well, I guess the only option is to go to the nearest gas station for boiled peanuts… because there’s no time!” He would prefer to impose his hand by creating an emergency rather than taking any definite decision.
This character flaw was manageable when we were essentially a small, part-time museum run by the founders’ family office: a small cadre of longtime employees simply making decisions behind his back. But now? We’ve got departments. We need processes. All those lovely proposals and policies we were asked to write ended up in the black hole known as Fergus’ Desk, never to be seen again.
When I first joined, I gave Fergus the benefit of the doubt: he’s temporarily overwhelmed because we’re going through huge change! Maybe the founders are secretly unreasonably stupid behind closed doors!
I’ve been this guy’s direct reporter for five years now, and I’ve worked closely with the founders for the same amount of time. Fergus is a monster of his own creation. He’s the Godzilla of incompetence, alas, he also has control over my total Tokyo budget.
I know Fergus will never get better. I suspect he will remain here until the death of the last surviving founder. I don’t know if I can wait that long. The new executive director brought in an executive coach to help Fergus: no change. They reorganized and hired a new VP so Fergus could reduce his direct reports from 12 to 3: no change.
I was ready to walk away last year. But the Scandinavian teapot is a small world, so instead of saying, “Fergus can suck a bag of dicks,” I simply said I was considering going back to school full-time. They were so desperate to keep me that they offered to pay for my entire degree if I stayed in my role and went to online school instead. I thought it would be foolish to pursue that deal! But my daily experience of managing Fergus from below is making me feel like a fool for stopping.
Here’s the thing: The educational benefits are structured so I’m not in legal trouble for repaying the museum if I left, I’d just piss off some people. Plus, I can pay out of pocket to complete my last few semesters. I could probably get a job at another museum… but not necessarily the teapot museum, and I love teapots. I am one of the few women working at Scandinavian Teapot and the first woman to hold a title higher than administrator in this organization. Fergus is not abusive, and he still has value to the organization. I continue to learn about teapots from her! He is completely unfit for management.
I dreamed of running this museum one day. Now I wonder not if I should go, but when. How do I know the right time to do it? Is working for Vet Disrag costing me more of an opportunity than saving on tuition?
Oh man. I can’t tell you if you can keep this up for a few more semesters without losing your mind, but I’ve worked with Fergus and I’ve seen the management above him go through very similar contortions to try to keep him (out coach, fewer direct reports, etc.) without doing the only thing that could actually solve the problem – removing his management responsibilities entirely – and I can tell you that if you’re the kind of person who wants to work, You like to do it and have a low tolerance for ineptitude and inefficiency, so you do it. Working for someone like this beyond a certain point risks getting you out of your skin.
I understand why you’re uncomfortable with leaving when they’ve offered to pay for your degree if you stay, but… how long will this deal last? Just until the end of the degree? Or would they be equally upset if you completed your degree and moved away soon after? (My bet is they can be More Be upset if you did this, because it would look like you just waited until they made the final payment before leaving.) So it might not be a matter of holding it in for your last few semesters; If the goal is to avoid upsetting them, you’ll probably have to hold off for a while even after getting your degree.
If you think the only compromise was that you’ll stay for the duration of your degree and you only have one year left… well, ideally I’d say you should just finish that year before leaving, as long as you can do so without damaging your mental health. But if they expect you to stick around for a while afterward, or if you can’t think about another year, you might want to rip the Band-Aid off for now. Tell them that you really appreciate the offer they made and that you tried to make it work because they pressured you, but at this point you need to part ways.
If you’re unwilling to explain that it’s because of Fergus, let’s just say you’ve realized that you need to focus on school full-time for your last two semesters (and will definitely take responsibility for tuition payments from this point forward). But I would encourage you to think about whether you have a way can do Tell them that Fergus has been very difficult to work with. They obviously already know he has problems; Perhaps it will take an extra effort to finally deal with the situation. Or not – but there is merit in telling them If You think it won’t cost you much.
