A reader writes:
I work at a university managing production aspects of theatre. I manage five staff members and one of them, Jane, can be difficult to work with.
She can be quite rude and abrasive, and I have already had several meetings with her to address the harsh tone she uses. She started this year and comes from a professional background where she needs to be very assertive in her role otherwise she wouldn’t be able to get anything done. Her job now requires a lot of student interaction and direction and she is talking to them like she is talking to these professional crew members that she has encountered in the past and some students feel that she is disrespecting them and talking down to them.
Additionally, she manages two other staff members who have privately told me that they are finding it extremely difficult to work for her because of the way she talks to them. The department chair even mentioned once or twice that he was amazed by the way she spoke to him.
She doesn’t single anyone out, and takes my feedback and is improving, but I think she still has a long way to go before she gets to where she needs to be.
Apart from her tone, I’m happy with the quality of her work. Her department has handled some big projects brilliantly this year, but she is rubbing people the wrong way. I’m worried that she will drive students away because she will get (and already is getting) a reputation for being disrespectful and unpleasant to work with.
How much pressure can I put on him to change what appear to be genuine personality traits? I don’t find it reasonable to expect so much change from him and also to expect his subordinates and students to meet him. Am I wrong to think that this is a two-way street and advise people to be patient with him while we work on recovery? We have reviews coming up and I plan to discuss this with him and his subordinates separately, I don’t know how much to motivate them for change.
This is the first time I have had to manage a subordinate with a combination of good work but bad personality and I would appreciate any guidance.
First things first: I’m assuming you’ve seen what people are talking about and that Jen really is being overly harsh or harsh, and it’s not just people being rude to a woman in a way they wouldn’t if she were a man. if the latter Is What’s happening is, you have a different problem to deal with, but based on what you’ve described, I’m guessing that’s not the case. So with that caveat…
The fact that something is an actual personality trait doesn’t make it inherently okay to include it at work or mean that managers and coworkers are forced to ignore it. After all, some people’s personalities include extreme irritability or impatience, or reluctance to make decisions, or dismissiveness, or a wry sense of humor, or quickness to anger. “That’s just the way she is” doesn’t make those behaviors okay at work; Those are still things that an employee needs to rein in and a manager needs to address, because they are disruptive and will affect the quality of other people’s lives and make them not want to work with that person.
Jane being rude and rude to the point that people don’t want to work with her is a work problem, not just a personality trait. It’s absolutely your business – and in fact, your job – to address this with him and hold him accountable for changing it.
While that may be true, there’s added urgency here because Jane works with students – and your team can’t possibly be successful if it’s demotivating students or extinguishing their love of theater.
Nor should you ask students and colleagues to “meet him halfway,” just as you (hopefully) wouldn’t ask them to meet someone who yells or harasses you halfway. When a person engages in behavior that should be off limits in the workplace, asking others to meet halfway in the spirit of fairness is very serious indeed. Inappropriate And doing this to people with less power than him (such as students or an employee who is junior to him) would be terribly discouraging… and for everyone else, it would be highly likely that they would question your judgment.
The message to Jane should be: “We have talked about this before but it is ongoing and I need to see real change. You cannot speak to students or other staff members in the tone you have been using. To remain in this role, you need people to want to work with you and if they leave a conversation with you feeling disrespected or dismissed, they will not want to interact with you again.” Ideally you can base this in specific examples to the extent you can (e.g., “When Michael asked you for X, you rolled your eyes and used a dismissive tone” or whatever specific details you can give).
If Jane is not able to incorporate this feedback and make significant changes soon, you should start to consider the reality that she may not be a good fit for this particular role. “Students and colleagues feel supported when working with you and are not afraid to approach you” This is as reasonable a requirement of the job as anything else about her work.
More information on this here:
My employee proudly identifies as an angry person
