These are five answers to five questions. Here it is…
1. How do I politely avoid a coworker’s MLM product party?
How do you politely avoid coworkers’ MLM “parties”? I hate multi-level marketing schemes (MLM). They are a predatory, cult like organization and I refuse to support them in any way.
A co-worker recently invited me to his cookware-hawking “party.” Putting aside the fact that I rarely cook anything more elaborate than spaghetti, I can’t really bring myself to endorse this. The problem is that this is a co-worker I like very much and collaborate with regularly. I don’t want to lecture them about the toxic nature of these companies, but it seems rude to just blow it off. I would claim to be busy, but this is an online program. How do I politely decline this?
“I don’t really buy cookware, but thanks!”
If she replies that you don’t need to buy anything and it would be fun to join in: “They’re not really my thing, but thanks anyway.”
If you’re someone she knows who’s an avid cook, you could also say, “I’m very picky about cookware and only buy a few brands” or “I’m trying to be disciplined about not buying any new kitchen items.” And if he pushes after that: “It’s not really my thing, but thanks.”
MLMs often train their salespeople to overcome objections, so any of these answers could lead them to try to change their mind (which would be especially inappropriate to do to a co-worker, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen) but relying on “that’s not really my thing” will work as long as you’re firm about sticking to it. (In fact, this is often the case with boundaries – it doesn’t matter what specific thing you reach, as long as you’re willing to stick to it.)
2. The manager is stuck on old mistakes
I’ve been working at my current job in mechanical design for a little over a year and a half. An inherent part of the design process in my industry is very long lead times for client feedback and other departments to do their part of the design, meaning it can take several months before a design I’ve completed actually starts to form.
My boss often calls me to lecture me about errors in projects I worked on a year or more ago, when I was brand new and had little experience with how the company worked, but that weren’t noticed until recently when production started. I know I’ve improved a lot since those early days, and would never make the obvious mistakes I made early on, but my boss talks about these errors in the present tense as if they’re happening now, and dismisses any explanation I give about how much time has passed and how much I’ve improved. My coworker who started the same day as me was treated the same way, and we’ve both already received an email from our boss’s boss about what mistakes we’re making and how much money it costs the company to fix.
For the most part my work is very satisfying. I enjoy the work, hours are very flexible and open to WFH if needed, and other than this issue my boss isn’t bad; They answer questions and explain things when I ask, otherwise leave me alone to work at my own pace. But it’s frustrating and depressing to feel like I’m being judged and evaluated based on an image that doesn’t exactly reflect my current work and I have to constantly worry about being warned or even fired because of those past errors. Besides personally tracking my corrected errors, which suffers from the same long delays between design and production, how can I prepare myself if the department manager continues to get an outdated impression of my performance?
Can you name it for your manager? For example: “You recently told me some errors I made when I was first starting out, like
Depending on how it goes, you might also say, “Is there a good way for me to communicate that an error occurred a year or more ago when I was still learning? I don’t want to seem defensive when you’re giving me feedback – I’d certainly like any feedback you have for me – but ideally I’d want you to know if this was a thing of the past that isn’t happening anymore.” He may not have a good answer to this, but the act of asking will help get it on his radar to see what’s going on.
3. Child care and hotel rooms when two spouses are attending the same work conference
I wrote last year about my spouse’s company suddenly competing with mine (update here ). My spouse and I still aren’t bidding on the same work (thank God!), but we still work in similar roles for different clients in different industries. Turns out, both of those customers use the same vendor that hosts an important annual conference. Now we can both be asked to attend the same conference!
In our previous, child-free lives, this would not have been a problem. But as of my last update, we now have a baby to consider! We can’t both go to the same conference without a childcare option. Our options would be to fly a relative out to look after the child while we are traveling or to bring the child with us and look for child care options during the day (and possibly in the evenings with a busy conference schedule!). Do you think we would have any grounds to ask our companies to pay for child care on travel days? I doubt it, but would like to know your opinion on what is normal in cases like this. I have nightmares about us bringing the child to the conference and taking care off between sessions. I’m not serious about this, but can you imagine how terrifying it would be to try to take a nap behind a booth or in some random conference room?
Separately, what would we do about a hotel? It would be weird for us to travel and get two separate hotel rooms, but I can’t ask my company to pay for half of the hotel room, right? Does anyone else attend the same conferences with their spouse for different companies and face similar problems?
You can’t really ask your company to pay for child care in a case like this; In all but the most unusual situations (where you have a skill that is extremely hard to find and in high demand) that will come across as out of touch. You are usually expected to make decisions about child care or explain that you cannot go. Is the latter an option for either of you?
But if both of you go, for the hotel one of you will tell your company that you don’t need them to book the hotel room because your spouse will also be there and you will be sharing a room.
4. I will back out of a summer job if I get a better offer
I am a college student who has recently applied to several summer internships in my dream industry. I’m pretty confident in how I present myself, but I also want to be realistic about this fairly competitive industry, so I’ve also applied to a few local businesses as back-up for summer jobs. The problem is that many of these local places responded to me expressing interest much faster than the internship. If I get into an internship, I’ll definitely take it, but I don’t want to turn off any of my back-ups before I’m sure.
What do I say if I get offered a back-up job while there’s still an internship opportunity? If I accept and then a better opportunity comes along, is there a tactful way to back out of that job without seeming disrespectful or damaging my credibility with the business?
It’s a thing that happens with summer jobs. They won’t be thrilled, but they’re also unlikely to be shocked or angry. You would simply say something like, “Unfortunately I have had a conflict arise and I will not be able to work with you over the summer. I really appreciate you giving me the opportunity, and I wanted to let you know as soon as possible. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused, and I wish you and the team all the best for the summer.” They may not be interested in hiring you in the future, but that’s how it all goes.
5. Is networking necessary to get a job now?
I see a lot of things online saying that since the job market is so bad right now, the best way to get a job is networking. On some posts you say that networking is nice but not necessary; You can get a job even without it. Is this still true, or has networking become a necessity now?
And if it’s a must, what are some good ways to start networking with strangers? I’m job searching right now but I’m not sure if I can rely on my current/former coworker network for jobs.
Networking is helpful but not essential. People are hired all the time without networking!
That said, it can make your job search easier, so it’s a good thing to do to any extent. can doBecause it can give your application an extra look that will help you stand out among qualified candidates.
Here’s some previous advice on how to do this.
How to tell your network you’re looking for a job
How to Send a Networking Email That Won’t Be Ignored
How do I use alumni contacts in my job search?
I hate the idea of networking – it sounds disgusting
What does good networking really look like?
